i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
