I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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