I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
