Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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