The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
