I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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