I think I am morally bankrupt
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
