So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize