She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
