tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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