ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
