Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
