She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
