I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
