so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
