ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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