you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
