I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
