is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
