He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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