Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
