I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
