i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
