Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
