just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize