you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
