The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
