After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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