none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish you could order shots online.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We have started to decorate penises.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
