I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
They have beer where we have blood.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize