There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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