She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize