I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
