My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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