I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
