Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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