it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
