Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
