so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
