I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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