Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
