Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
