just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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