No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
