Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
