There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
