She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
