I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
