when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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