Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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