Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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