They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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