Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
