Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
