The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
