Welp...herpes.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
