dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
