Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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