I'm really into asian looking animals
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
