someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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