My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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