we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
