All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
