Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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