so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
