He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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