How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
