I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
