I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
