just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize