i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
