She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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