Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize