Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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