you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
