3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
