i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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