dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
